When you share your joys they are supposed to double and when you share your problems they are supposed to halve. But, sometimes the problem you share can seem far worse than it did before. A lot of times we have been in situations, where we deseperately want to be heard. Either we decide to message a friend/ pick up the phone to ‘talk’ or just chat on social networking sites/apps. The conversation ends up with us feeling utterly disappointed or even dismayed .You wish you had not let this person know what you were going through!
This could happen either because you shared it with the wrong person. A ‘wrong’ person could be someone who could not hide his/ her happiness as it made them feel good deep down about being better off than you or they could never bear to see your happy state otherwise. It may be someone who only wanted some free entertainment/ enjoyment and something to gossip about later.
Sometimes, may open up to someone who inadvertently says all the wrong things without meaning to make you feel worse off or simply isn’t aware of little things which could be avoided to make a huge difference.If a friend, family or someone you just met decides to confide in you,here are 11 simple things to remember,which will help in putting that smile back on their face !
- Listen to them first without interrupting them, interpreting, analyzing or jumping to a conclusion.
- Listen without stopping them from venting or crying.
- Listen without pitying them or expressing shock.
- Listen without blaming them or making them feeling guilty/ashamed.
- Listen without being indifferent or simply saying “I understand” when in reality you may not.
- Listen without belittling their problem.
- Listen without comparing their problem with someone else’s problem.
- Listen and see their side of the problem and not be in a hurry to take sides( their own/ the other person if any) without even wholly undertanding.
- Listen without bringing in the past.
- Give them confidence through words. Just saying “Everything is going to be ok”, works wonders.
- By sharing their secret/problem,this person has put in a lot of trust in you.It would not be a good idea if you decide to share their secret with someone you think you trust and that ‘someone’ shares it with someone that they trust and so on. Your friend will eventually find out because in the end, they will hear it from one of the people in the big long chain who passed on their secret!
Only after your friend knows they have been fully heard, give them a hug and then offer solutions/ options and then leave them alone to make a decision.